a thing

Posted by mingchua (434 days ago)

Hi there,
I've been considering having an affair with a neighbor and would like your un-judgmental advice.
I am married and have a close relationship with my husband, the only issue is we don't have sex and haven't for a long time. It's not due to physical probelms (we are both attractive and in good shape) and it's too complicated to get into. The thing is I do desire sex and he seems fine without it.
I met a neighbor and his wife at another neighbor's dinner a while ago and have run into him a few times since in and around the building. I began to realize he's very attracted to me and the feeling is mutal. Because I am not friends with his wife' I frankly don't feel morally obligated to steer away from her man. On top of that, I know he has his own social life and often goes out on his own, I suspect he's been with other women.
I am interested in having a physical relationship with him but haven't had a chance to be alone with him to take this further, any advice? No stern moral lectures please.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by meattwoveg (434 days ago)

uh oh .. its a lethal argument again. I better not contribute to this thread. Maybe its me and i dont know it??

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by HK1 (434 days ago)

I think you should have sex with whom ever you want if you do not want to get into a moral debate

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by French Girl! (434 days ago)

Life's too short to miss good times!
But do you really think a man is fine without sex.....?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sailinghome (434 days ago)

I guess it's OK for you to have sex with your neighbour, coz without a moral debate anyone can do anything.... oh, and I'm presuming when your husband finds out it wouldn't be a problem for him, as his moral debate will be pushed aside as this one has....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (434 days ago)

Yes... let's not let morals trouble us... I mean life is all about getting what we want however we can, whenever possible with whoever will agree. Right?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aulelei (434 days ago)

if you dont want to hear the morality of it, it seems you have already made up your mind. why post the thread?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (434 days ago)

Objective response?

My thoughts?

Dont crap where you eat.

Dont do it with someone in your building.

If it goes tits up you will have to move or suffer gross humiliation from all and sundry (and lets face it, Sundry is simply not a nice guy!).

If you dont have the guts to go searching for some meat on the side outside of your building, then dont cheat, you are obviously not cunning enough to pull it off. You will get busted and you will have to eat your amorality in public...with a spork.

End 2 cents.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by mingchua (434 days ago)

Well, while my husband may not be thrilled he won't exactly go mad. We have an understanding.
The reason for putting up this thread is to seek advice on how to approach this.
BTW, I have trouble believing the neighbor's wife is unaware of his "activity", he seems out on weekends alone a lot. I see this as a victimless affair.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Peet (434 days ago)

Victimless affair??.....isn't that a bit like saying government efficiency, even odds, cold sweat, genuine fake, golf fashion......I'm sure you get my drift

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by mingchua (434 days ago)

Whoa, McAline, your "advice" was so loud it almost startled me.

You know putting up a thread seeking advice isn't exactly an invite to abuse or indignant righteousness.

But forget it, it's just a passing thought in this slow day anyway.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marieantoinette (434 days ago)

"victimless affair" ah, that old moron, oxy! If she is aware of his extra-curricular activities, and if your other half "..won't exactly go mad", then why not come straight out with it, tell the other 2 parties your intentions (and the other man!!) and be done with it.....or would that take all the enjoyment out of it?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (434 days ago)

Actually, I think you ought to get some counselling. This behaviour sounds like stalking to me. The man may only be being friendly to you. And you, poor love starved, morally dispossessed frustrated thing that you have become in your sexless state, may be reading just about anything that goes on around you as a possibility.

If you are so frustrated in your life, you are bound to make some errors of judgement somewhere, sometime. You need to get the fundamental problem sorted - ie. you are feeling frustrated, and don't project your strange ideas onto other people.

Your thinking needs adjustment. I truly recommend you seek some help before you end up propositioning anyone who shows you the slightest bit of attention.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by McAlpine (434 days ago)

now now ming , you sounding a bit deffensive there. You put yourself up to the slaughter with your post so you have to read it and accept other opinions. You also did say "victimless affair" , which is just plain silly and naive.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (434 days ago)

Mingchua - I suggest you ask for advice on the super secret squirrel section of AFF. You arent going to get the "10 easy steps to coveting your neighbours husband" out here on the "Relationships Forum" which, by the by, in case you didnt notice...is to help those with relationship problems...not to CREATE them, eh? :o)

Good luck with your hunting will. Please dont come on here solely to tell others how distasteful you find their moral fiber. I guess you can say that you tried to get an objective answer on how to get someone elses husband into the sack...and you didnt get one, so just let it go and move on without insulting anyone, eh? Life is too short to try convincing others how right you are. The ol horse, water, drink thing...

Plus, I hate to be the bubble buster, but even if your husband doesnt give a crap, that guys wife wont be none to pleased, but hey, its all about you, gf! So forget anyone else exists in this here universe, hmm kay? I still think if all you want is some a** on the side, at least have the guts to find it somewhere else instead of screwing someone elses husband and marriage.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by flashback (434 days ago)

Well said, JC. Ming, the problem is in you and your thinking... It's beyond even the morality issue... There is a total lack of logic in your thinking, and also your expectation as to what others will or can do for you. You're the one out of step here, Ming.

Do see someone about your problem.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by missdj (434 days ago)

ming,
I have my own thoughts on this and am in a similar situation. I ust don't want to post too much on here.
I would say talk to the neighbour and see if he is thinking the same as you

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by LMOPQ (434 days ago)

Don't do that. I will call police.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by LMOPQ (434 days ago)

Wait.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by LMOPQ (434 days ago)

Could you please discuss with your husband first and see what he want you to do? And you already had a close relationship with your husband. Isn't it?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by LMOPQ (434 days ago)

Forget about it. I never had a close relationship with anyone. It would be too difficult for me to suggest you to be or not to be... please ignore your desire... even it is burning.. can you feel your heart.. listen to your heart please... I want to type some French words .. unfortunately.. my French level is too ... too... forget about it..

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zane1 (433 days ago)

as a wise person once said: "Sex is natural, Sex is fun... Sex is best, when it is one on one."

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (433 days ago)

Deal first with the situation you are in with your husband. It is not wise to whiteant your own and other people's relationships because you have unfulfilled desires.

You can take MissDJ's course of action, which - apparently - is to live in an unsatisfying relationship while weaving a web of connections with others around her to get what she wants surrepticiously, or you can behave like a responsible human being, play by the rules, and deal honestly with your problems.

You are only kidding yourself if you feel that what you are considering is justifiable. You have provided very lame excuses on which to justify your thoughts and intended actions, the most troubling of which is your assertion that because someone is not a 'friend' you have no obligation to consider their interests.

I hope you are not my neighbour.

Once done, actions are very hard to undo. Who we are is a result of a process of decisions. You have the opportunity here either to indulge a weakness, or control it through reasoned thought and action.

Seek the best way out of this dilemma by first addressing honestly the lack of intimacy in your marriage. Don't think that because someone else has apparently 'gotten away' with doing something like this that it is okay. The fat lady hasn't sung yet... Protect your sanity and your future through wise action now. Act from your best self.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by justin credulous (433 days ago)

OR:

Maybe the original poster and missdj can swap partners! I mean, its the perfect solution really, "You take my husband, I'll take yours!" You two are in the same situation, that would be a great victimless crime. Sorted! Schwwwwwinnnng!

>flashback - such a valid point! Sheesh, I am so glad I dont have neighbours! Haha. I'd be fending em off my front porch with a cattle prod!

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by Momo8... (433 days ago)

Apart from taking JC's and Flashback's good advice about dealing with the problems you have with your husband,consider these scenarios:
The neighbour has no idea he is the object of your desire,you approach him so what would his reaction?
Thanks but no thanks or your place or mine?Either way you are opening yourself up to a myriad of unsavory situations.
He turns you down and you are so embarrassed and humiliated you can't stand living in the same building.
You shag and either your husband or his wife will find out which leads to more drama and living in close proximity to each other will only make things worse.
Without moralizing or being judgemental this can evolve into a pretty messy situation for everyone involved so you had better think this through very carefully before you become the talk of the block.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ovaiz (433 days ago)

go ahead..its ok...i had sex with my freinds wife several times....at the end if both are matured these things never come in the open...as both parties feel good with eachother...but never feel regret on what u do...all of us eat out right..

(I am based in Hong Kong)