Found BF plays web sex recently

Posted by hkgirlhk (324 days ago)

Really upset. Does it means that he's bored with me?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by MAVIM_88 (323 days ago)

Hi, it goes to show that he is not into you. Be ready to dump him.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by hkgirlhk (323 days ago)

He's not into me... or he just need some excitment out of ordinary life?

I couldn't sleep and i couldn't stop thinking about he having sex with someone else (probably the next step?), which makes sick!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by bell-boy (323 days ago)

Bit like Porn really, the next step may not be actual seks, but do you want to be with someone like this? If you can handle the porn, and compt seks, then stay...

otherwise you will have to tell him how upset it is making you, and see if he wants to do something about himself....

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by MAVIM_88 (323 days ago)

When you start to doubt, its already a crack in your relationship. Trust and honesty is important here. Leave him and suffer no moe.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by evildeeds (323 days ago)

Unfortunately there will be people here who only have 2 words of advice for any given situation whether it's looking at a woman in a short skirt on the street or a full blown orgy. They are always Dump Him.

Web sex is not sex, and depending on your take on things is not actually cheating. But of course it hurts and no-one knows whether it will lead to more. So you should actually talk to your b/f, understand why he does it, whether there are any problems between you 2 that need to be resolved.

I have known guys that have participated in web sex and left it where it is. No more. They see it similar to watching a porno movie and in a way I suppose it can be. I see that as less of a threat than having your guy drinking in Wan Chai regularly!

Anyway talk to him, try and understand why he is into it. There may be something you can do that stops it. Until you do that any advice you get on here will be pretty much meaningless, especially the dump him comments.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hkgirlhk (323 days ago)

evildeeds,
i am secretaly worrying if it will leads to the real one.

dump him... don't have this thought at the moment. we've been together for over an year, and everythings's so far so good. I just didn't expected things like this to happen. Well, i guess no one expected it to happen. It hurts.

I don't want/ don't know how to confront him with it. I mean, i come across it coz i use his laptop sometime... i don't want him has feeling that i was spying on him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pamposa (323 days ago)

Its just a game for him. a little bit of excitement. its not a serious thing. its easy for others to say dump him. because they don't love him. find a way to help him kick this bad habit. men and women think differently. its been that way. its a long explanation.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hkgirlhk (323 days ago)

So... means i am too sensitive? Or should learn not to overreact?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by evildeeds (323 days ago)

hkgirlhk, of course you worry whether it will lead the the real thing. I think most of us would feel the same if it was our partners. The truth is you need to talk with him and until you've done that you will never know. You can't keep letting it eat you up inside. You wont be happy until you know his real reason for going to these websites, and those reasons could be many.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by MAVIM_88 (323 days ago)

Its pointless trying to talk to him cos he already had the intention to be unfaithful to you. Even though he may deny about it and still do ugly things behind your back.
As I said before, honesty and truthfullness toward you is of utmost importance in any relationship. The ball is your court now. You make your sole decision whether to stick to him or dump him for good.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by hkgirlhk (323 days ago)

I just can't stop worrying about the worest it can be... it's eating me up inside.
Yes i know i have to stop it but i really don't know how to confront him with it.

Say something like i can sense there's something wrong between us, do you want to talk about it?

Or tell him directly that i found him plays web sex, and ask for the explanation?

for the 2nd one, i am not sure if it's a good idea. guess he will say it's just for fun, nothing serious...and don't know it will hurt my feeling?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pinayako (322 days ago)

MAVIM_88 please be careful with your advice. these are two people in a relationship, we don't know how long or how deep. boys become men and it doesn't men that they won't play anymore. for me, that computer sex thing is just something done for kicks or to pass time. having real sex with a real person is a totally different thing. you won't lose your guy to a computer. think about this... do you really wanna lose this person because of this computer thing. your relationship is serious, this sex in front of a monitor is just a game. but its a stupid thing. but does he know you found out? you can talk to him about your concerns, but trust me, its a big big world, and a mature relationship needs people with a wider perspective of life.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (322 days ago)

As evildeeds says, talk to him to know the truth. He is ur bf, so u shld be able to be direct with him abt how u feel. Does he know that u use his laptop? If he does, than what's there to worry abt?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hkgirlhk (322 days ago)

The laptop? Yes, he know it. Sometime i use his and sometimes he use mine. We have different work schedule and it's pretty easy for him to play it behind my back. I wish he didn't keep the pictures on his laptop then i wouldn't found out. Coz i don't know how to deal with it. Sigh!!!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by seb-in-hk (322 days ago)

I also think that the web sex could just be a thing for kicks. From his point of view it has probably nothing to do with your relationship. He might even get bored with that web thing by himself after a while. The only question is if you are willing to tolerate this or not. If not, then have a serious chat with him. I think MAVIM_88's view is probably too pessimistic. Don't throw your relationship away without being sure what is really going on.

Edit: From your last post it seems that he just downloaded some pictures. I honestly can't think of any guy who hasn't done this at one time or another.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hkgirlhk (322 days ago)

Yes, i am sure most guys would download pictures from web. But it's more than just downloading pictures. I found that he has account for online adult dating. And he chat with some girls. I was worry... did they just chat online or they actually meet up in person. I have to put it out of my mind, i can't concentrate on my work.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by seb-in-hk (322 days ago)

I see. In that case I also think you really have to talk to him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (317 days ago)

In a relationship, u need to trust ur partner..since u got so much doubts, it's hard to make a relationship work. Like i said, he let u use his laptop, meaning to say, he got nothing to hide and he did not want to hide it, so wat's the problem? It's all about you and you and you...be fair to ur bf too. I think ur just thinking too much and making too much assumptions at the same time.

Chatting with girls doesn't mean a thing.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Bubas (315 days ago)

lot of advises ...
I had lived exactly the same situation that are living right now. Exactly the same. My ex didn't know I knew. And despite everything that was written on this threat, this is not a question of knowing if it is a cheat or not.
The point is : he is lying to you. Or at least, he is not telling you all the truth. The question you have to ask to yourself is : do you want to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't tell you the truth !! This is soo important. My relationship with my ex was good, no sex problem, everything was fine. But he did it anyway. When I told him I knew, we talked a lot, I tried for nearly 6 months to continue this relationship...to finally realize that I do not want to share my life with someone I can't trust in. I really tried, but you have to have respect for yourself. After this relationship, I found someone, who is my husband today..., and we are sharing everything, even when things are difficult to say or to hear, we can talk about everything, this is how it should be. Please think about it, one year is not a long time actually...and if it starts like that, how do you think it will be in 5, 10 or 20 years....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hkgirlhk (310 days ago)

Thanks for all the advises, it all helps.

Babus,
good to have advise from someone been in the same situation.

I have a suspicion that he's sleep with someone else, for some reason.
It's heart-breaking.
So...Why bother confront it with him? I guess it's time for me to leave.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by freesky (310 days ago)

oh,leave him,you sure?go ahead

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Bubas (310 days ago)

Yes, I really can understand how you feel..trustme ! Now leave him, don't spend your time to try to talk or solve anything. Take care of yourself and stay strong and selfconfident.

(I am based in Hong Kong)