Bad public behaviour in older child

Posted by Cat7 (220 days ago)

I am new to HK and am appalled at some of the behaviour I have seen from expat kids esp. when they are with their nannies.

I like this one restaurant for brunch but another of the regulars often brings his 3 boys ages 8, 10 and 11. All three are badly behaved (Dad seems to have custody on the odd weekend and pays no attention to them as he is too busy snogging the latest girlfriend). To the crux of the matter--the other day, the Oldest lit into the accompanying nanny and started screaming at her and calling her names--really racist and disrespectful. Dad did nothing as usual --can guess where the kid likely learned that behaviour. I was shocked and really wanted to say something.

Should I :
1. mind my own business and eat elsewhere?
2. say something to the dad?
3.say something to the kid?

If, by chance, anyone out there thinks 2 or 3, what could I say to get the point across that such words from an 11 year old are totally unacceptable in any circumstance.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by cara (220 days ago)

i probably would have gone over and said very nicely...

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I am paying to have a nice lunch here, not to listen to your shouting racist abuse at an innocent person. would you mind taking it outside?"

not that shouting it outside is better. racism is disgusting. but, maybe it would have shocked him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Starlionblue2 (219 days ago)

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I am paying to have a nice lunch here, not to listen to your shouting racist abuse at an innocent person. would you mind taking it outside?"

Agreed.


It's a shame the parents aren't giving their child a better start in life. But you can't save them all.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Robbie2007 (203 days ago)

Speaking to the parents/nanny is a good start. But if that doesn't fix the situation, perhaps you can escalate the issue to the restaurant staff. Complain to them that the customers at that table are causing a disturbance, and if the staff is very good, they should handle the situation appropriately so their other loyal customers will not be offended.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by mumof2boys (202 days ago)

I would say something to the kids.
But that is the teacher in me. I would just tell them outright that they are being very rude and should be more respectful, loudly enough for the dad to hear.
After all that is what Chinese grandparents here do also, well up where we live anyway. They tell off my 3 year old in Chinese if he is being naughty in public.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (202 days ago)

"I would say something to the kids.
But that is the teacher in me. I would just tell them outright that they are being very rude and should be more respectful, loudly enough for the dad to hear."

I dunno. If someone I don't know told my kids off I would consider it a bit invasive. But of course I wouldn't let my kids behave in the way described.

Also different cultures are different.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by beanbean (202 days ago)

I would ask the dad to give the kids a lesson by physical punishment. Physical punishment is so rare in HK that most kids in HK have become spoiled. The kids may hate their dads, but they will learn the lesson and behave like an educated and mature person when they are grown up.

These kids, if not educated properly, and when they are grown up, they would become little emperors, pay no respect to people, got divorced and have broken families. Their dads are properly a good example to them on the negative side.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by cara (202 days ago)

i think that the lesson can be learned WITHOUT resorting to violence (afterall, that's what physical punishment is...)

it's one thing to say something to the parent but it is COMPLETELY different to tell him to hit his child!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (202 days ago)

"I would ask the dad to give the kids a lesson by physical punishment. Physical punishment is so rare in HK that most kids in HK have become spoiled. The kids may hate their dads, but they will learn the lesson and behave like an educated and mature person when they are grown up."

Apart from belonging back in the 19th century, physical punishment doesn't solve any problems that can't be fixed in other ways. Kids subjected to physical punishment often develop an "immunity" of sorts anyway.

The reason a spanking can have effect is because of the humiliation. I submit that you can give deliver the humiliation without the physical abuse. How about:
- Standing in a corner for a time out.
- Withholding of treats, TV, dessert, a promised outing.
- A good talking to.


While I do believe that violence has solved plenty of problems in the world, it does not belong in child rearing. If Europe is being subjugated by an evil dictator who won't listen to reason, violence is ok. If a child is misbehaving, it is not.

(I am based in Hong Kong)