Confused Post Miscarriage Crazy Lady

Posted by Gabriella (101 days ago)

Hi,

I am so confused and need a little bit of a pep talk and to hear from anyone who went through something similar.

As I mentioned on an earlier thread I had a missed miscarriage and needed a D & C (this was done on Feb 26th). I then googled / read a little too much on the subject - I also wanted a second / third opinion so I trotted off to 2 other doctors. The first doctor said I had PCOS and advised I come back in 2-3 months.
I then went back to the doctor who did the D & C and she said I didn't have PCOS and in fact had another egg in the wings - this was 2 weeks post op and we could see it on the scan. I had made an appointment with another doctor in the first week post op. so decided to still go - which I did today - 4 weeks post op and he said I had a mild case of PCOS and it looked like one of my righ ovary foliciles was still 'funny" (can't remember the exact word).
I then said to him that I had had a scan at 2 weeks and was told that I had a new post miscarriage egg - he said 'oh, that must be the left overs then'.
So now I don't know whether I am PCOS or not.

Post miscarriage is it normal to become a little odd trying to find answers and wishing you were pregnant again immediately? Bizarrely I hoped that the doctor would say today - 'oh look you're pregnant again'...I know rationally he wouldn't...but I just wanted everything to be better and back on track.

Now I am in a pickle again - after the 'joy' of finding a new egg 2 weeks ago to the downer of hearing the latest today.
Keep in mind it's 3 different opinions so I am no doubt confusing myself.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (101 days ago)

i would venture for yet another opinion. tell this one what each one has said and see with whom they agree.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Gabriella (101 days ago)

ok, I could try that.

I think I am going through the blues, very sad the past few days. The conflicting doctors opinion's are not helping,

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (101 days ago)

i don't blame you, i would be a complete wreck myself.

good luck finding a definitive answer!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Gabriella (100 days ago)

I am a wreck and very sad.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (100 days ago)

i'm so sorry. you shouldn't have to go through this alone. no one should. i wish i was still in db, then you'd at least have a shoulder to cry on!

being sad is only natural. you are mourning what could have been. it will take time to recover from that.

there's not much you can do except keep trying to find out what is wrong and keep trying for a little one. it's too bad when you suffer like this. it takes all the fun out of trying for a baby, doesn't it?

where's your partner in all this? he must be grieving too, maybe just not showing it as much.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Gabriella (100 days ago)

I feel a bit better today - big chat with family at home (er, in the middle of night).

Thanks Cara for your advise - I might leave it a few weeks, try to focus on other things and then try another doctor.

My partner is awesome, he seems to have moved on and does not want to talk about it. I wish I was as strong.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (100 days ago)

Hope things will look up. I agree with cara. Think about something else for a while. Remember when sex was just for fun? ;) There are plenty of stories of parents who "stopped trying" and all of a sudden *poof* there's a baby.





"My partner is awesome, he seems to have moved on and does not want to talk about it."

"Moved on" and "does not want to talk about it" seem to conflict a bit. If you need to talk about it, he should be available for that.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (100 days ago)

I think that he doesn't want to talk about it BECAUSE he hasn't moved on. he is grieving, too. he just doesn't know how to deal with it(just like you). if he doesn't talk about it, he thinks the hurt will go away.

or

he's afraid of talking about it because he knows how much you are hurting. he thinks that if you don't talk about it, then it will save you from hurting so much.

i'm glad you've been able to talk to family about it.

remember there is no rush, either to get pregnant again or to "move on". this is a grieving process and will take time.

my thoughts are with you!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Gabriella (100 days ago)

Thank you Cara.

My partner keeps his cards close to his chest and is a very calm man. I on the other hand have oscillated from being fine, to crying, to angry over the past 4 weeks. I haven't been great at articulating my feelings, which hasn't helped us.

I do feel a lot better having had a huge cry and a really long, chat to my poor mum back home (we talked into in the wee hours) . I'm quite exhausted today and feel a bit bruised (not sure what else to call the sensation). But I do feel better.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by expat2006 (99 days ago)

Dear Gabriella,
I haven't the same experience as you, but if it is of any comfort, I have had two miscarriages and felt the very same way as you. Confused, sad, wishful, envious of other mothers, wanting to know all the answers at once and all other mixed emotions. The truth is, if it is not going acc to nature's plans, it won't go ahead. After the D&C, did the doc say he will give you the diagnosis of the egg? I had one D&C, as for the other I wanted my body to naturally miscarry. For the first one, I got the result as chromosomal defect with one less chromosome. You will probably get the result as well and that will be a scientific reason in its bare sense. What is hard is to get that courage from within to accept it. Husbands feel it too, but as we are the ones who carry the bub, it is different. Bet you know all this already. Soon you will begin to feel better and then it will be time to go back to the baby-making. Good luck with everything and much love.

(I am based in Hong Kong)